Is it safe to exercise outdoors during smoke alerts? Nah, but I did it anyway last fall when LA looked like the inside of a pumpkin spice latte that caught fire.
Why I Thought “Is It Safe to Exercise Outdoors During Smoke Alerts?” Was a Suggestion
I’m sitting on my balcony, coffee going cold, staring at downtown through this weird orange soup. Phone’s screaming AQI 312. My brain? “Bro, you ran a half marathon in 2019, you got this.” Completely forgot I finished that race crying and eating three churros. Anyway, jeans don’t fit, ego’s loud, let’s go.
The Run That Made Me Question Every Life Choice
Step outside and—whoa—the air hits like cheap tequila, burns going down. First block’s fine, second block my eyes are watering, third block I’m hacking like my grandpa after Thanksgiving. Pass a dude walking his dog in a legit N95 and feel personally attacked. Keep shuffling anyway because quitting feels worse than dying, apparently.
When My Body Sent the Memo
Half a mile in—yes, I’m that slow—chest starts doing this tight squeeze thing. Not pain, exactly, more like my lungs are trying to unionize. Taste pennies. Actually stop, lean on a stop sign, and Google “is it safe to exercise outdoors during smoke alerts” while the sign wobbles because I’m shaking. Top result: “Stay indoors.” Cool, thanks, internet.
Stuff I Learned After Ignoring “Is It Safe to Exercise Outdoors During Smoke Alerts?”
Turns out the EPA’s AirNow site isn’t just for hypochondriacs. Purple = everybody stays inside, even mailmen. Red = only masochists and people who think essential oils fix everything. My bad.
- Green: run wild
- Yellow: eh, maybe
- Orange: bad idea jeans
- Red/Purple: congrats, you’re a human charcoal filter
My Sad Indoor Backup Plan When “Is It Safe to Exercise Outdoors During Smoke Alerts?” Is Obviously No
Apartment gym smells like old socks and broken dreams, but it’s got a treadmill that works if you sweet-talk it. Also discovered:
- Jumping jacks in the living room while my cat judges me
- Stairwell laps—14 floors, zero dignity
- That one TikTok dance I still can’t do but hey, no smoke
The Gross Part Nobody Warns You About
Next morning? Snot the color of printer toner. Called in sick sounding like a broken kazoo. Spent $60 on a knockoff air purifier that hums like a dying bee. Mom texts: “Hydrate.” I send back a photo of my tissue pile. She stops asking.
So Yeah, Is It Safe to Exercise Outdoors During Smoke Alerts?
Look, I’m still the same stubborn gremlin who’ll probably test the AQI again because my love handles have unionized. But now I check the app religiously. If it’s above 150, I’m inside doing burpees badly and hating every second.
Don’t be me. Or do, but bring water and a real mask, not the crusty bandana I used that smelled like last week’s tacos.
Tell me your dumbest “I ignored common sense” workout story below. I need to feel less alone.
