Diseases spread by flood water straight-up ambushed me last July when the creek behind my rental in southern Illinois turned my living room into a kiddie pool. I’m over here right now, feet still kinda damp in these crusty socks, chugging cold gas-station coffee that tastes like regret and river silt. Shoulda known—grew up with these flash floods, but nah, I was too busy flipping burgers to clock the sky going full apocalypse purple. Whatever. Here’s the eight nasty lil’ gremlins that turn your backyard splash zone into a petri dish, cuz if my dumb ass can keep one of y’all from stepping in it, mission accomplished.
Diseases Spread by Flood Water Still Give Me the Heebies Worse Than Spiders
Spiders? Stomp. Done. Diseases spread by flood water? They ghost you for 48 hours then hit like a hangover from hell. First red flag was my big toe itching like I stepped in fire ants after I waded out—barefoot, cuz shoes are for quitters—to grab the mail. Two days later I’m googling “red streaks up leg” with one eye puffed shut. Smelled like wet pennies and death, that water. Clung to my calves like it wanted to move in.
1. Leptospirosis – Rat-Piss Roulette
Yeah, diseases spread by flood water love a good rat-pee cocktail. Gets in through any scratch or if you’re me and accidentally mouth-splash while yelling at the dog. Felt fine, then—bam—fever, eyeballs aching, whole nine. Wear boots, idiots. Even in the driveway.
2. E. Coli – Poop Smoothie Deluxe
All the crap—literal crap—gets churned up. I rinsed a glass in “tap water” that had… visitors. Spent two days married to the toilet. Cat still hides when my stomach growls.
Almost Became a Walking PSA for Diseases Spread by Flood Water
Picture me in ankle-deep sludge, trying to rescue my Xbox like it’s the freakin’ Titanic. Neighbor Dale hollers, “Get your dumb ass inside!” but pride, man. Next day urgent care nurse just hands me pills and that disappointed-mom sigh. Diseases spread by water don’t care about your K/D ratio.
- Vibrio: Flesh-eating vibes. Buddy ignored a cut, calf looked like hamburger.
- Hep A: More poop. Got the shot after. Paranoid every public restroom now.
3. Giardia – Camper’s Revenge, Flood Cut
Drank “fresh” runoff. Cramps hit mid-Zoom. Muted myself, prayed nobody saw the sweat.
4. Crypto – Chlorine-Proof Troll
Boiled water, still got owned. Dropped five pounds in three days. Jeans fit again tho??
Midwest Flood Water Diseases: Love the Place, Hate the Soup
Cornfields, fireflies, post-rain smell—chef’s kiss. Diseases spread by flood water? Hard pass. Couch floated, y’all. Floated.
5. Norovirus – Pukeapalooza
Washed lettuce in mystery water. Hurled in the work truck. Boss thought tequila. Nope.
6. Typhoid – Ye Olde Comeback
Kid down the block got it from ditch tag. Found June salad in the fridge. Biohazard.
The Almosts – Diseases Spread by Flood Water Edition
7. West Nile – Skeeter Breeding Ground
Mosquitoes turned my arms into connect-the-dots. Fever dreams of giant bugs in Walmart aisles.
8. Tetanus – Rusty Nail Classic
Stepped on one in the murk. Now I’m a tetanus-shot evangelist. Lockjaw ain’t a joke when tacos are on the line.
Alright, Wrapping This Muddy Rant – Diseases Spread by Flood Water, Final Boss
I’m just a dude who turned his basement into a swamp and lived. Diseases spread by flood water taught me boots, bleach, and humility. Stock purifiers, get stabbed with needles, don’t drink the soup.
Hit up CDC and FEMA so I don’t feel alone in my trauma. Drop your flood fails below—commiserate with me, fam. Stay dry. Or don’t. Your funeral.
