Climate crisis winners and losers—man, I’m staring at my AC unit humming like it’s about to unionize, and honestly? I’m low-key terrified I’m sliding into the loser column faster than my ice cubes are melting in this Denver heat dome. Like, yesterday I legit burned my bare feet on the sidewalk fetching the mail—mail that was just another bill from Xcel Energy laughing at my wallet. Anyway, the climate crisis winner and losers thing keeps me up at night, especially after I doom-scrolled through that NOAA report while eating gas-station sushi. Bad combo.
I gotta be real: my “prep” was buying a fancy reusable straw. That’s it. Meanwhile, my neighbor Chad—dude’s got solar panels, a Tesla, and somehow stocks in both bug-protein startups and private firefighting services. Climate crisis winner and losers, right there in HOA hell.
### Climate Crisis Winners and Losers in My Grocery Aisle (Yes, Really)
So get this—the climate crisis winners and losers dynamic plays out every Tuesday at King Soopers. Avocados from Mexico? $3 each now because of drought. But those weird lab-grown chicken nuggets? Suddenly half-price and Chad’s kid is obsessed. I tried ’em. Tasted like regret and efficiency.
- Winners: Companies selling “carbon offset” NFTs (seriously saw one for $47 that plants exactly 0.3 trees)
- Losers: Me, crying over $8 almond milk while remembering when it was $2.99
- Wild card: The dude selling bootleg AC window units out of his van—climate crisis entrepreneur of the year?
I once argued with the cashier about whether organic kale was worth it anymore. She just shrugged and said her cousin in Phoenix hasn’t seen rain since March. That shut me up quick.
Climate Crisis Winners and Losers: My Insurance Guy Ghosted Me
True story: my home insurance doubled. DOUBLED. Because “increased wildfire risk” even though the closest forest is 45 minutes away and currently on fire. The climate crisis winner and losers math is brutal—my premium pays for some hedge fund bro’s third beach house in… wait, the beaches are eroding?
Meanwhile, my cousin in Florida? Sold his sinking condo to a data center company that needs cooling from the ocean. Made bank. Climate crisis winners and losers, family dinner edition.
### The Climate Crisis Winners and Losers I Didn’t See Coming (Bug Protein, Anyone?)
Okay, plot twist—I’m accidentally eating the future. Those cricket-protein bars? First time I gagged, second time I kinda… liked them? Especially the sriracha flavor. Climate crisis winners and losers includes my digestive system now.
My big mistake: bragging about my “sustainable” diet on Nextdoor. Got ratio’d by Karen who pointed out my bars are shipped from Thailand in plastic. Touché, Karen. Touché.
Climate Crisis Winners and Losers: What My Melted Brain Learned
Look, the climate crisis winner and losers aren’t just billionaires vs. the rest of us—it’s me vs. last-year-me who thought recycling pizza boxes would save the planet. Spoiler: the boxes had grease. They went to landfill. I’m the problem, it’s me.
But here’s the raw truth: I started biking to work. Once. Got a flat tire in 98-degree heat and Uber’d the rest of the way while sweating through my shirt. Progress?
Wrapping This Climate Crisis Winners and Losers Rant (Before My Laptop Overheats)
Anyway, the climate crisis winners and losers thing is messy as hell, just like my backyard that’s half dead grass and half desperate wildflowers I planted drunk on cheap wine. We’re all figuring it out, making dumb choices, accidentally supporting the right companies sometimes.
Real talk—try one thing this week. I dunno, eat the weird protein, talk to your neighbor about their solar setup, or just… don’t yell at the AC repair guy when he quotes you $800. We’re in this sweaty mess together.
Oh, and if you’re reading this while your own power flickers? Text your reps. I did it at 2am after my third heat-induced insomnia night. Felt weirdly good.
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