Do plants clean indoor air? Bro, I was all in on that idea. Like, full-on plant dad mode. Last year I turned my little Queens studio into a jungle because some TikTok said 12 snake plants would fix my post-pizza funk. I’m sitting here right now—October 30, 2025, 7:42 PM, window cracked because the radiator’s clanking again—and my monstera’s staring at me like, “Dude, I’m not your HVAC.”
I started this whole thing during lockdown. Cabin fever had me googling “how to not breathe my own farts” (classy, I know) and boom—NASA study from the 80s pops up. Plants eat VOCs! Space magic! So I ordered $200 worth of greenery on impulse. Half arrived half-dead. One pothos came with a spider the size of a quarter. I named him Kevin. Kevin’s fine. The air? Not so much.
The NASA Study That Lied to All of Us (Kinda)
Okay, not lied. But that 1989 NASA thing? It was in sealed chambers. Like, airtight space pods. Not my drafty pre-war apartment where the hallway smells like curry and weed 24/7. Scientists now say you’d need 700 plants in a 1,500 sq ft house to make a dent. Seven. Hundred. I counted—I have 23. I’m 677 short.
I bought an air quality monitor (yes, I’m that guy now) and watched the PM2.5 barely twitch when I added a new fern. But the second I opened the window? Dropped like 40%. Plants: 0. Fresh air: 1.
My Dumbest Plant Mistakes (So You Don’t Repeat Them)
- Overwatering like a maniac — Thought “more love = cleaner air.” Killed three peace lilies in a month. They turned yellow and smelled like swamp ass.
- Putting plants in the bathroom for “humidity control” — Mold city. Had to bleach the ceiling. 10/10 do not recommend.
- Talking to them like they’re my therapist — “Kevin, why do I still cough in the morning?” Kevin did not respond. Shocker.
But here’s the thing—they do help a little. Just not how we think. A 2024 study said houseplants reduce stress by 12% just by existing. My blood pressure thanks them. My lungs? Meh.
Sticky Note Science (Yes, I Wrote This on My Fridge)
Pros of plants:
- look cool
- make zoom calls less depressing
- give me something to talk to besides my cat
Cons:
- not air purifiers
- attract gnats
- I forget to water them and feel guilty
So What Actually Works for Indoor Air?
Here’s what I do now (after wasting $300 on dying greenery):
- Crack a window — Even in winter. Five minutes = better than 50 plants.
- Cheap air purifier — Got a $60 one on Prime Day. Filters cat hair and my bad decisions.
- Clean the damn vents — Found a sock in there. A SOCK.
- Plants for vibes only — Snake plant in the corner? Aesthetic. Air cleaning? Nah.
Final Thoughts From a Guy With 23 Plants and Zero Chill
Do plants clean indoor air? Not really. Scientists say it’s a myth for normal homes. But I’m keeping mine. They make my place feel less like a sad box and more like… a slightly less sad box with leaves.
If you’re gonna get plants, get ‘em for you. Not for the air. And maybe don’t name the spiders.
What about you—got a plant graveyard too? Tell me I’m not alone.
(P.S. If you want the real science, check this Drexel review or EPA’s indoor air guide. Way smarter than me.)
